Theatre Film Classics: Why The Wooden Indian Wouldn't

Why The Wooden Indian Wouldn't

An average janitor on an average night goes about his chores. He sweeps, he cleans the windows, he dusts. As he runs his feather duster across the chest of a life-sized wooden Indian, the janitor observes just how human this hunk of carved wood is. He wonders aloud whether its sculptor crossed all of his ‘I's and dotted all of his “T”s. He lifts the Indian's loincloth to find that indeed, this chief is hung like a crazy horse. After getting a glimpse at the chief's tomahawk, our curious cleaner strikes up a conversation with the inanimate native, and much to his surprise, the statue responds.

Now, our janitor may not be the most stringent cleaner in the cupboard, but he’s pretty sure it’s not normal for a hunk of wood, not matter how anatomical, to make small talk. Industrial cleaners can pack a hallucinogenic punch, but a talking statue? To prove he’s real, the chief unzips the janitor’s coveralls and strokes his milky white chest. As if a chatty flirtation statue weren’t unbelievable enough, this one can also grant wishes. The janitor says that all he wants is money. And, poof! He’s got $100k. But once the green is in his fingers, our average janitor realizes that it’s not cash that he wants, it’s ass.

Randomly, the Indian breaks into a rain dance. It’s a fine dance, but the wooden Indian has forgotten to stretch. After a few rounds, he pulls a muscle and falls to the floor. Luckily, our janitor is a man with slow hands. He offers a massage and the wooden Indian reluctantly accepts. The janitor straddles the wooden Indian, who is now laying on his stomach. Both have completely disrobed. Despite warnings from the Indian, the janitor rams his throbbing member in the Indians wood knot. That’s when our janitor finds out exactly Why the Wooden Indian Wouldn’t. He's made of wood, and wood splinters. Ouch!

Not For Sale

They say that every man his price, they also say that a man of the sea plays fast and easy. Perhaps that's true, but isn't it also true that things aren't always what they seem?

A young sailor on temporary leave sits on a park bench reading a magazine. He has a sweet face, strong build, and short, golden blonde hair. He’s the picture of a strapping young seaman. To a hot-blooded homo he looks like the perfect catch, but this fish won’t take the bait. A man in a silk shirt spots the sailor from across the park, and quickly sets his sights on his tight white basket.

He tells the sailor, in no uncertain terms, that he is a very wealthy and very horny man. In an attempt to woo the sexy seafarer, he offers his purse and a ride in his Jag. The sailor sternly refuses, but the man is relentless. After countless propositions, the rich man throws his wallet at the stubborn seaman and walks away.  

Back at his apartment, Daddy Warbucks lays on his couch dreaming about the unmovable sailor. He slowly strokes his cock to a dirty magazine and fantasizes about his angel in white. Just then, he hears a knock at the door. It's the sailor and he has his wallet. He pleads with the sailor to come in, and promises not to molest him, to which the sailor responds, “ 'Please' sounds mighty funny coming from you, and as for molesting, you can't rape the willing.” He lays down face first on the couch and the rich man sinks his rich dick into the sailor's strong ass. He bucks the boys butt until his longshoreman blasts right up his blow hole.  

As it turns out, this sailor plays by his own rules. Perhaps next time the rich man will try opening his heart before he opens his wallet.

My Brother The Sister

Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. But what happens when boys are girls and other boys are still boys?

As part of a hazing ceremony, a tall, dark and handsome fraternity pledge is told to sit on a park bench in broad daylight, dressed from head to toe in women's clothing. If he wants to prove himself to his brothers, he'll have to be their sister for the next 30 minutes. He's instructed that if he tells anyone that he's packing heat, he'll be sent packing. So he sits on the bench affecting his best girly pose, and would you believe it? People actually buy it. Religious zealots, prostitutes, sailors, folks of all stripes are fooled by his feminine facade, which frustrates the young buck to no end.

One particularly persistent sailor finds this fine young lass utterly irresistible. She makes it known that the young man doesn't have anything that interests her, but he pushes on. Frustrated, our cross-dressing pledge walks away, but the seadog follows her home like a sad puppy. So, the pledge decides to teach her admirer a lesson the hard way. Now in her bedroom, they strip down to their underwear. Still not fazed by his sweethearts flat and furry chest, the sailor pushes on. Finally, they drop their shorts, and to the pledge's surprise, the sailor is just as eager as ever. Turns out this sailor's a bit of a sissy. He lays down as his lady slips her throbbing cock in his quivering asshole. The pledge fucks the sailor's manhole until both boys, er, whatever, blow their loads.

Looks like, even though boys will be boys, in a pinch, they don't mind being girls.